Vital Quotes for Your Every Day Life... Or Maybe Just Some of Shemp's Favorites

"Measure twice, cut once." - Norm Abrams, This Old House

"You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."  -Wednesday Addams, Addams Family Values

“There was an awful suspicion in my mind that I'd finally gone over the hump, and the worst thing about it was that I didn't feel tragic at all, but only weary, and sort of comfortably detached.” -Hunter S. Thompson, The Rum Diary

"I know." -Han Solo, Empire Strikes Back

"It's beyond my control." -Vicomte de Valmont, Dangerous Liaisons 

"Where's your will to be weird?" - Jim Morrison

"There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? Even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex." 

- Billy Joel

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?" -Benjamin, The Graduate

"So come to the lab and see what's on the slab. I see you quiver with antici...pation." -Dr. Frank N. Furter, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

“I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.” -Charles Dickens, Great Expectations 

"I am a pagan. I am a Greek. I love the ancients not for their pediments or their poetry, but because in their world Venus could love Paris one day and Anchises the next. Because they're not the moderns, who live in their mind, and because they're the opposite of Christians, who live on a cross. I don't live in my mind, or on a cross. I live on this divan. In this dress. In these stockings and these shoes. I want to live the way Helen and Aspasia lived, not the twisted women of today, who are never happy and never give happiness. Who won't admit that they want love without limit. Why should I forgo any possible pleasure, abstain from any sensual experience? I'm young, I'm rich, and I'm beautiful and I shall make the most of that. I shall deny myself nothing." 

- Vanda, Venus in Fur (Play)

"Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!"

-Gretchen Weiners, Mean Girls

"What does it matter how many lovers you have if none of them gives you the universe?" -Jacques Lacan

5 Steamy Reads to Divert You

1) Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey (*****)

This one has always been one of my favorites because it brings you to an old world, filled with gods, mythology, an unlikely heroine, mystery and a new interpretation of sexuality. You will not regret your time in Terre D'Ange with Phedre as you go through her journey to self-discovery and saving those she loves and the kingdom she lives in.

"When Love cast me out, it was Cruelty who took pity on me."

In a kingdom born of angels, Phedre is an anguisette, cursed or blessed to find pleasure in pain. Sold to the Court of Night Blooming Flowers, her fate as a beautiful but anonymous courtesan was sealed. Her bond was purchased by the nobleman Anafiel Delauney, who recognized the scarlet mote in Phedre's eye as the rare mark of one touched by a powerful deity. Under Delauney's patronage she is trained in history, politics, language, and the use of body and mind as the ultimate weapon of subterfuge in a dangerous game of courtly intrigue.

Guided into the bed chambers of Terre D'Ange's most influential nobles, Phedre uncovers a conspiracy against the throne so vast that even her teacher cannot see the whole of it. As her nation is besieged by invading hordes from the north, the most unthinkable threat to her beloved home comes from traitors within. Betrayed and blindsided by her own longings, only Phedre and her trusted bodyguard Josselin are left to cross borders and warring armies in a race to stop the final blow from falling.

Enter a lush world of pleasure houses, ambitious warlords, scheming courtiers, and the harsh justice of blessed deities through the eyes of a heroine like no other. Sprawling and darkly sensual, Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Dart is the start of a truly original fantasy series. (AMAZON summary)

2) Emanuelle  by Emanuelle Arsan (****)

It's a classic for a reason. Any lover of the genre should give this one a read. Emmanuelle is just so beautifully written, especially the descriptions of the titular character's clothing and appearance. There are long chapters of philosophy as it pertains to romance, erotica, and love- but those are just as good as the rest of the more juicy content. 

I also love a novel that starts on a high note... mile high club style. 

This classic book of erotica is, alongside Story of O, the most famous French underground novel of the late twentieth century and a work of seductive literary merit.

It begins with nineteen-year-old Emmanuelle’s flight from London to join her husband in Bangkok. On the airplane, she is seduced by the passenger seated next to her. By the time they land, she has indulged her irrepressible and insatiable sexual appetite, embarking on an odyssey of hedonistic sensual discovery that takes her from the arms of her husband to intimate encounters with the wives of his business associates, to further explorations wherein the philosophical and aesthetic facets of eroticism are expounded—and enacted—to the fullest degree.

Intoxicating and intelligent, Emmanuelle, which has sold hundreds of thousands of copies since its initial clandestine publication in France, follows one woman’s liberation from unconscious to intensely conscious sexuality. (AMAZON summary)

3) Exit to Eden by Anne Rice (****)

AKA my dream vacation. It is the ultimate escape into a world of classy BDSM where the self is totally surrendered... and love?

The bold erotic masterpiece by #1 New York Times bestselling author Anne Rice writing as Anne Rampling

They call her the Perfectionist. A stunning, mysterious, and fearless sexual adventurer, Lisa is founder and supreme mistress of The Club—an exclusive island resort where forbidden fantasy meets willing flesh. Here eager participants who can afford life's most exquisite luxuries can experience the breathtaking pleasures of surrender and submission. Here nothing is taboo.

A thrill-seeking photojournalist, Elliott risks his life daily in the most dangerous, war-torn regions on Earth. Now he has come to Paradise to explore his most savage and vulnerable sexual self, committed to the ultimate plunge into personal risk. (AMAZON summary)

4) At Any Price by Brenna Aubrey (***)

This pick is just fun! It combines geeky gamer themes with contemporary romance. Perfect for gals like me who are into video games, SciFi, nerds, and hot men! 

Achievement Unlocked: Geek Virgin

When Mia Strong, proud geek-girl and popular gaming blogger, auctions off her virginity online, she knows she'll make waves. But what she will not be making is a love connection. Her rules are set in stone: One night. No further contact.

It's a desperate step, but it's the only way she can go to medical school and pay her mother's mounting hospital bills.

Difficulty Level: Millionaire CEO

Adam Drake, the enigmatic auction winner, is a software prodigy who made his first million at seventeen. Now, in his mid-twenties, he's sexy, driven and--as CEO of his own gaming company--he's used to making the rules. Before Mia knows what's happening, he's found the loophole in the rules of her auction. Every stipulation she's made to protect her heart gets tossed by the wayside.

She can't tell if he's playing her...or if he's playing for keeps. (AMAZON summary)

5) The Story of X by A.J. Molloy (***)

I came across this book at the Book Warehouse in North Dartmouth, MA and purchased it for $2.97. My expectations were not high, but I was pleasantly surprised. The mystery, the mafia, the sex, and the setting all came together to make a wonderfully diverting evening (I read this in one night). 

A darkly seductive and passionate tale of secret societies, elaborate rites and sexual experimentation, in the tradition of the captivating classic Story of O and Kubrick’s film Eyes Wide Shut.

Shy American student Alexandra Beckmann—‘X’ to her friends—arrives in Naples desperate for adventures beyond the sheltered life she has led. She is there to study the Camorra, an infamous Italian crime organization. But in the sun-soaked, ancient city streets, her research leads her to a man like no one else she has ever met.

Irresistibly handsome, Lord Marcus Roscarrick is an Italian aristocrat with a mysterious past. Yet, underneath his refined exterior, X senses a man who is well-acquainted with danger.

Soon they begin a passionate affair, and X is drawn into Roscarrick’s world—a world she never dreamed existed. But as she falls ever more deeply under Roscarrick’s spell, X must decide whether she dares to submit entirely to this shadowy realm of dark desire. (AMAZON)