Top Ten, Live Action 90's Kids Movies

Long time, no post- sincere apologies to my readers! To get back into the swing of things, here is a favorite type of post here at Shemp Headquarters, THE MOVIE LIST.

Top Ten, Live Action 90's Kids Movies:

10. Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey 

(88% Rotten Tomatoes)

I would spend a day with Shadow, Chance & Sassy in a heartbeat. 

"My name is Chance. I know, it sounds odd, but most names do if you think about it long enough... maybe even yours. I was abandoned when I was very young. I lived on the streets scrounging for food sleeping wherever I could; that seemed like fun at first, but pretty soon, it landed me behind bars. But I don't like to talk about that; let's talk about after that... when I got my second chance... and my name. You see, this family came along, and I guess you can say they rescued me, because they adopted me and brought me to live at their house. But it was their home, not mine. Still, it was an improvement over that other place: lots of space, fresh air, plenty interesting things to explore, and all the underwear I could eat." -Chance

9. Casper (44% Rotten Tomatoes)

Christina Ricci owned the 90's and this is a great example. Casper is a well-acted, quirky film that also can be quite a tearjerker. Highlights include the gross uncle ghosts and the chair invention that gets you ready for the morning.

SMELLOGRAM!

8. Mousehunt (43% Rotten Tomatoes)

Slapstick and dry humor perfectly combine in this odd film.

"A world without string is chaos."

7. Hocus Pocus (30% Rotten Tomatoes)

Probably the best Halloween movie of the 90's and quite a cult classic among millennials. I love to hate the evil Sanderson sisters and always had a crush on Thackery Binx...

6. The Witches (100% Rotten Tomatoes)

Anything Roald Dahl is going to amazing and when you add Angelica Houston, it becomes exponentially so. 

"The wizardry of Jim Henson's Creature Shop and a superbly over-the-top performance by Angelica Huston gives The Witches a good deal of charm and enjoyment." -Variety

5. The Mask (77% Rotten Tomatoes)

Somebody stop me! So many Jim Carrey 90's flicks to choose from. I chose this one because it is probably the most kid-friendly/funny.

4. The Addams Family & Addams Family Values 

(60% & 78% Rotten Tomatoes)

Christina Ricci for the win! These movies are so hysterical. 

“Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf, and eat hot hors d'ourves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all of these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.”

3. Clifford (9% Rotten Tomatoes)

This is a low rating, man. Wow. This movie is hysterical, maybe people just don't get it. 

2. Heavyweights (29% Rotten Tomatoes)

Another one that is way too low on the scale. This movie is a classic and shows Ben Stiller in one of the first of many roles he would play the insane, overbearing villain.  

1. Home Alone/ Home Alone 2 

(55% & 24% Rotten Tomatoes)

If you don't agree with this, you're a replicant. 

Christmas nostalgia, comedy, young Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci. Come on!

Awkward Crushes- Five Celebrities I Find Oddly Attractive

5. Adam Goldberg

This one started after watching Two Days in Paris with Julie Delpy. I have a thing for funny dudes. I also follow Adam on Instagram and occasionally comment- I like his photography. He's a great actor, but not so high up on the celebrity totem pole that I don't stand a chance... right? 

Best Works: Fargo (TV Series), The Hebrew Hammer, Two Days in Paris, A Beautiful Mind

4. Jason Schwartzman 

Rushmore, man. Any character with that attention to detail has the potential to be a male suitor of mine. He always makes me laugh and he is so uniquely good looking. 

Best Works: Everything with Wes Anderson.

3. Louis C. K.

He's probably the funniest guy on television and seems so down-to-earth that I can't help but be in love with him a little bit. He's a ginger, balding, and has a little bit of a belly-- but I don't care. He seems like he would be a tender lover and a good friend.

2. Richard Dreyfuss

Ever since Jaws, I have had a crush on Dreyfuss. I've watched most of his movies and even find myself looking forward to hearing his maniacal laugh. Not exactly a dreamboat, but something about him always draws me in. Maybe it's because he is the only cute actor in Jaws and I loved it so much I had to have a crush on someone?

Best Works: American Graffiti, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Apartment, Jaws, Mr. Holland's Opus, What About Bob, Stakeout

1. Adam Scott

My ultimate weird crush. This one started after watching The Vicious Kind with R.K. Simmons and Brittany Snow. I identified with the character, in a strange way of course I am not really like that character at all, and found myself more and more drawn to Scott. Most recently I watched The Overnight with Scott and Schwartzman together (picture below), which made me seriously consider the implications of sex with friends. 

Best Works: Step Brothers, The Vicious Kind, The Overnight, Parks and Recreation, Party Down

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My ideal afternoon.

Five Movies I Watched for the Sex... but ended up feeling depressed or disturbed.

5) Titanic
This is one that I anticipated as an adolescent, excited at the prospect of a PG-13 flick with the hottie who was in Growing Pains. The hype for this film was huge and it was a monumental success, despite the fact that we all know how it ends and it is incredibly depressing. We all held out hope that Jack would make it in the end, but instead we end up feeling just as miserable as we did at the end of another classic movie without a happy ending, An Affair to Remember.

This movie was released on two VHS tapes and I would often only watch the first one, just to avoid the terrible drowning sequences and the inevitable freezing in the Atlantic Ocean.

Despite the depressing nature of this film, you can't forget the flirting that Jack and Rose started with on that ship, ultimately drawing naughty pictures and having steamy sex in the back of a car. Cue hand print!

4) Brokeback Mountain

Despite the fact that I am not a homosexual male, I have always been very intrigued by these scenarios... especially when Jake Gylenhaal and Heath Ledger (RIP) are involved. This is another one I suppose I should have known could not end well, i.e. where they live, the time period, the fact that they are both married and live double lives, etc.

The passion between the two actors is palpable, passionate, and worth sitting through the painful ending. Another movie where one should perhaps just enjoy watching Enis and Jack on Brokeback Mountain, a place away from the rest of civilization where they can be themselves... and turn off the DVD player once they both get married.

3) Secretary

I remember being in the video store and seeing the cover for Secretary and being very intrigued. If you haven't noticed through the subtly of my posts, I am a bit of a naughty soul. I thought this might be kind of a fun play on a BDSM relationship, starring another talented Gylenhaal. Who doesn't love a little power play or boss/secretary relationships in film? Sexy, right? No, totally wrong. This movie is minimally sexy and is more of an insight into the lives of two characters with mental illness that makes you feel like a creepy voyeur.

When Gylenhaal's character is in need of a masochistic fix and takes a boiling hot water kettle to her inner thigh, I nearly barf every time. But I guess in a way it is comforting in the end to know that this sadist and masochist find love and are oddly perfect for each other.

2) Nymphomaniac

Okay, so I knew a bit what I was getting into with a Lars Von Trier movie. But, when I heard that there was graphic sex in an art film, I was on board. Not going to lie, Part I is pretty disturbing, but there are several parts that are very fun to watch and titillating. My favorite might be when the main character, Joe, and her friend try to sleep with as many men as they can while on a train. Not something that I would say is a good idea, but makes for interesting cinema.

Part II is a completely different story. There is nothing sexy about Part II. I was too disturbed to be depressed for this character.

1) Shame

I chose this film for a relaxing afternoon alone at home. I had heard that there was full-frontal Fassbender in the opening scene... say no more. He is my dream. I was so excited.

The movie starts off somewhat normal, just a guy with a sex addiction. Then it gets more and more disturbing, with the introduction of his sister and the strange relationship they share to the climactic scenes in which we see just how far this character will go to get a fix. All cats look the same in the dark? Right?

Agree or disagree? Leave a comment below!

Three Directions I Wish Fashion Would Move Toward- Inspired by Film

3) Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)

Okay, so maybe these outfits wouldn't have the same effect without Elizabeth Taylor being the one to wear them... but there is something universally sexy about the elegant fabrics and cuts of yesteryear. I've never been a fan of low rise jeans or tube tops of the 2000's. Give me an hourglass shape with a defined waist and tasteful cleavage any day. 

2) Basic Instinct (1992)

I want to be Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. I don't just want to look like her, but I want her brilliance and psychotic confidence. 

Nowadays the minimalist undergarment look is so chic (i.e. going commando, bralettes, etc.), but no one pulls it off like Stone (Literally!). The long, lean, oiled legs with the subtle, dark makeup and slicked-back hair... 

1) Her (2013)

The costumes are almost too hipster for me, but I love the simplicity of the casual office and day-to-day wear. Everything just looks so comfortable and almost like a Utopian, Future Society uniform... like everyone has these random pieces in their closets to select from and everyone looks eerily similar, yet subtly distinct. I find these choices to be very reminiscent of the menswear trend donned by Diane Keaton Annie Hall as well! 

“I’m realizing this retroactively. What a lot of futuristic films do and we didn’t, is add things. No epaulets, badges, materials, textures. Those are things you look at the entire film going ‘That’s the future. That’s the uniform.’ What we did instead was take things away. So something is off, but it’s not a distraction. All the costumes in the film are things someone could be wearing now, but we don’t have any denim or belt buckles or ties or baseball hats. We barely have a collar or lapel. The waist lines are all higher.” - Casey Storm in an interview with a NY Times Blog

Top Ten Hottest Actors from the 50's to the 90's

Shemp's Top Ten 

Hottest Film Actors 

50's to the 90's

Sometimes you just need to sit back in your favorite spot on the couch, dip your french fries in mashed potatoes with gravy, and appreciate some old-fashioned, Hollywood handsomeness. This list is my ultimate ranking of manly, sexy actors of yesteryear. It's cliche, but they don't make them like this anymore! Well, maybe that's not entirely true... check out the bottom of this blog post for Shemp's Five Honorable Mentions from the 2000's to now!

10) Patrick Stewart 

This British theatre veteran was once told that he would never find love because of his baldness, but boy were they wrong! Stewart has been the object of every SciFi girl's fantasy since the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation aired. He exudes class and sophistication, has an incredible sense of humor, and that accent! He could engage me any day!

Notable Films: X-Men, Hamlet, Star Trek

9) Rock Hudson 

The name alone makes me excited! Hudson was the heartthrob that America loved and every woman went to bed fantasizing about...even though he wasn't so interested in them. If you really want to swoon, catch him in All That Heaven Allows (1955) with Jane Wyman.  

Notable Films: All That Heaven Allows, Pillow Talk, Giant

8) Denzel Washington

Denzel has been a resident hottie since he hit the scene and has only gotten better with age, like a fine Merlot. He may not be the best actor of our generation, but his capability and versatility make him a Hollywood A-Lister - from action flicks to biopics. I think he may have sold his soul to the devil for those good looks and unyielding youth.   

Notable Films: Malcolm X, Glory, The Hurricane, Training Day

7) Cary Grant

"Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant." 

-Cary Grant

This classic leading man is one of my favorites. What can we say about Cary Grant? His transatlantic accent, refined masculinity, and his body (the perfect combination of fit and not too too fit) make one flawless individual. He's the kind of man you would take home to meet mom and he would charm the pants off of her. It's a crime that he never won an Oscar.

Notable Films: North By Northwest, Charade, An Affair to Remember

6) Patrick Swayze

The day he died, the world cried... and I was no exception. His dance moves, those rugged good looks - a truly remarkable specimen. His acting was never something to write home about, but his je ne sais quoi jumped off the screen. I am unashamed to admit that he was the first celebrity that ever made me tingly downtown.        

     Notable Films: Dirty Dancing, Roadhouse, Ghost, The Outsiders  

5) Jeff Goldblum

Goldblum has achieved cult status for his films, but to me he is just the finest, quirky actor. When he asks Gina Davis in Earth Girls are Easy, "What is sex?", I die every time with sheer envy. I would love to teach him! I have to admit, Goldblum is an obsession of mine. He will pop up in this blog again, mark my words!

Notable Films: Jurassic Park, Independence Day, The Fly

4) John Travolta

You should be dancing... with me, John Travolta of 1977. He might not have aged so well and Scientology may have gotten to him, but you can't dispute the obvious! Travolta's moves, voice, looks and swagger made him a 1970's dreamboat. 

Notable Films: Grease, Saturday Night Fever, Pulp Fiction, Face Off

3) Will Smith

Another actor that only gets better with age/does not age. He stole hearts as a young stud on the small screen from West Philadelphia and went on to be the cleanest rapper ever to exist and a talented film actor. His career shows no signs of slowing, being featured in the summer blockbuster Suicide Squad. For me it's all about his smooth voice and smooth moves... 

Notable Films: Bad Boys, Independence Day, Ali, Men in Black

2) Michael Douglas

I feel like an 80's/90's Michael Douglas could put me in my place and make all of my wildest, secret fantasies come true. Plainly, he'd make Christian Gray look like Mickey Mouse. This man is talented, with a long-lasting career to prove it- not to mention Catherine Zeta Jones as his on-again-off-again main squeeze. Even Kanye West gave him a shout out in I'm In it. 

Notable Films: Romancing the Stone, Wall Street, Fatal Attraction, Basic Instinct, Falling Down, A Chorus Line 

1) Harrison Ford

How could Indiana Jones, Han Solo, Rick Decard, Jack Ryan, and the President of the United States himself not be on this list? Harrison Ford embodies all of the best qualities of actors 2-10, although perhaps his acting chops fall a bit short of some of the other contenders on this list (never won an Oscar). Good looking, funny, adventurous, and that smirk! I could melt just now. 

Notable Films: Star Wars films, Indiana Jones films, Blade Runner, What Lies Beneath (Spolier- He is evil!), The Fugitive, Patriot Games, American Graffiti, Frantic, Presumed Innocent

Honorable Mentions from 2000's to Today

5) Javier Bardem

4) Michael Fassbender

3) Chris Hemsworth

2) Idris Elba

1) Tom Hardy

Tom Hardy even makes Bane attractive...

Stay tuned for more posts, lists, and generally a good time!