Vital Quotes for Your Every Day Life... Or Maybe Just Some of Shemp's Favorites

"Measure twice, cut once." - Norm Abrams, This Old House

"You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."  -Wednesday Addams, Addams Family Values

“There was an awful suspicion in my mind that I'd finally gone over the hump, and the worst thing about it was that I didn't feel tragic at all, but only weary, and sort of comfortably detached.” -Hunter S. Thompson, The Rum Diary

"I know." -Han Solo, Empire Strikes Back

"It's beyond my control." -Vicomte de Valmont, Dangerous Liaisons 

"Where's your will to be weird?" - Jim Morrison

"There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? Even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex." 

- Billy Joel

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?" -Benjamin, The Graduate

"So come to the lab and see what's on the slab. I see you quiver with antici...pation." -Dr. Frank N. Furter, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

“I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.” -Charles Dickens, Great Expectations 

"I am a pagan. I am a Greek. I love the ancients not for their pediments or their poetry, but because in their world Venus could love Paris one day and Anchises the next. Because they're not the moderns, who live in their mind, and because they're the opposite of Christians, who live on a cross. I don't live in my mind, or on a cross. I live on this divan. In this dress. In these stockings and these shoes. I want to live the way Helen and Aspasia lived, not the twisted women of today, who are never happy and never give happiness. Who won't admit that they want love without limit. Why should I forgo any possible pleasure, abstain from any sensual experience? I'm young, I'm rich, and I'm beautiful and I shall make the most of that. I shall deny myself nothing." 

- Vanda, Venus in Fur (Play)

"Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!"

-Gretchen Weiners, Mean Girls

"What does it matter how many lovers you have if none of them gives you the universe?" -Jacques Lacan